Business end of easter :)

Happy easter all!

I have done superwell and hit a new low this morning of 116.8 kilos - amazing!

I love how well I am currently doing. Which I put mostly down to doing "iifym" - otherwise known as "if it fits in your macros". I think I previously mentioned I go thru a company called Equalution. They have me on high calories (2100 cals a day).  They give me a meal plan each week which is pretty high in protein but also incorporates things like home made chicken burgers, pizza, chicken carbonara - which I love I just dont have a desire at all to go off track. And each week I can tell them of any "food requests" which they incorporate into my meal plan. Like this week being Easter I asked them to incorporate hot cross buns....so I have had a hot cross bun with butter each day...completely guilt free which has allowed me to participate in the same thing as my co workers and not feel I am missing out.

Its been really free-ing. After years of micromanaging my nutrition....having a certain number of grain free meals per day, watching my sodium, cutting out certain products and only going for "healthy options" when eating out....I am getting that in moderation no food is bad.

The other week I went out for dinner so they did what they call a "social adjustment" - so I basically sent them a menu of the restuarant I was going too, told them what I would prefer to have and they worked out my days eating - by dinner time that night I am eating half a 12 inch bbq chicken pizza :)

So yes its all going well...I had hot cross buns....i had a few bits of chocolate...I really cannot complain....and at the business end of the easter weekend i am very happy.

Mentally I am in a good place as well. As i gained the weight between 2013-2016 i really felt a lot of shame. I was the "weight loss queen" an inspiration to so many and then suddenly I lost it and was a obese woman lacking control. I am still classified as obese but I dont feel obese. I am active. Really starting to make progress with my fitness and strength. I eat well...binge free...and have a real good nice balance of moderation.

At this age I have also realised so much the importance of health. I am 49 its prolly a age where you are more inclined to get some kind of illness. I am hoping by the end of the year to be what I consider "healthy" - I felt healthy when in the 90 kilo range. I often had people comment you look like you weigh less then how ever much I weighed. When I look back at photos at the time....no I wasnt a size 10...I was a size 14-16 in clothes but I felt and looked good...and i really had a healthy appearance.

At this stage i am super keen to get under 110 kilos. Not because of clothes or anything but because I remember going from 109 to 111 kilos and it was like over night i was like...woah ive really gained weight....when under 110 kilos while i knew i had gained weight it didnt at this point feel like it was out of control.

Okay enough rambling! Have a good night all :)

Weigh in day :)

Wooop! wooop! Super successful weigh in day....lost 1.4 kilos :) Down to a new low since i got back on track of 117.3 kilos. So, so happy with that....I think drinking 3 litres of water a day definitely made a difference.

So I dont think I have posted about my goals for this year. There is one main one...to get to double digits/lose 30 kilos. So on January 1 I weighed 126.1 kilos...if I lose 30 kilos I will be around 96 kilos....but as long as I am under 100 kilos I will consider it a successful year! So I need to be as close to 10 kilos lost by end of April as possible....so I have lost 8.8 kilos so far this year. So the goal is to lose another 1.2 kilos by april 30. My cycle is due ..... but fingers crossed I can still hit that goal. The goal after that is to be under 110 kilos by the time I fly to Sydney (I fly there July 3) so focus, focus, focus.

Exercise wise I did 3 sessions this week (had a migraine which meant i couldnt train last night)

My gym started open 24/7 as of tuesday....so this weekend I can try after work on saturday and sunday :)

Not really much else to say. I ate good. I drank 3 litres of water. I exercised. I lost weight lol....if only every week could be so simple!

Have a good easter all :)

Why I decided to come back to my blog

After so long without writing on here and I guess losing followers I guess the question is why I decided to get back to writing in my blog. In a lot of ways blogs are kinda old hat....people are a lot more visual these days taking to things like instagram and you tube.

I personally love instagram....its quick, fast and easy. I can snap a pic...post a sentance or two and interacted with my followers. The you tube thing I tried BUT its a lot of time and effort! I just dont really have the time for it and dont feel i have the followers base for something like that.

The blog is in between. It takes a bit of time to write up a post but it doesnt take HOURS of editing and then uploading to the net.

One of the benefits of the blog before was not only did I have a history of my weight loss journey I could read back on but it allows you to say what you are really thinking. Without looking at someones face and thinking "oh did they think i was bad for saying that" it allows you in your own space to put your own thoughts and words...in your own space.

Weight loss is such a mental journey. Hard as you try if you dont have the right mental place...then you will struggle and it is kinda like battling a up hill battle. I tried for the last few years to convince myself that i "had no option" that I had to lose the weight and had to lose it right there and then. But internally i wasnt there...I could say those words to myself but in all honesty i didnt believe it. Over the last few months I believe it and it is a huge priority to me at the moment, but at the same time I also understand that weight loss isnt everything...I dont want to get to the end of my life and think....wow I wasted years thinking, planning, and plotting weight loss....and I missed out on other things....I dont want that. I want to be totally dedicated to my weight loss whilst fitting in trips away, catching up with friends, having experiences while balancing out weight loss vs the fun of life.

On to weight loss....I did weigh in yesterday. I gained 100 grams but lost 1cm from my arms, waist and thighs. My week went well tho...I stuck to the eating plan 100%....I did 4 x 1 hour walks, I did 2 PT sessions and 1 session on my own (whilst dealing with a minor bout of tendonitis in my arms and a blister on my foot)...the one thing I wasnt quite on was my water. So I am back drinking 3+ litres per day.....and the scales have since dropped so hopefully that continues. On saturday I was 118.7 kilos and this morning I was sitting at 118.2 kilos :)

I definitely had some fitness milestones this week. When I went back to personal training at Goodlife last may....one of the things I couldnt do was step ups due to it hurting my knees....this week I did step ups on to a bench without holding on to anything - didnt fall once. I also tried vertical knee raises on a exercise tower....I tried this quite a few months ago and had no chance of it. This time I did manage to hold them up for about 2 seconds. My form wasnt great tho as I was hunching my shoulders....so thats something to practice....just holding myself up on that exercise tower device.

The fails was that candice tried to get me to jog on the treadmill LOL she basically started the machine said we are jogging and then I jumped off it LOL. I seriously would love to jog on a treadmill again but I am terrified of falling and injurying myself....so i just dont! LOL

Not a lot else going on...till next time :)

Back to it....

Again I am making a attempt to be more active on this blog! LOL So how am I doing, what am I doing, and what are my future plans? The current stats are that as of last friday morning (weigh in day) I was 118.6 kilos. At my highest last year I was 133.6 kilos. What I am doing nutrition wise currently is what is called "flexible dieting", I do it thru a company called equalution - here is a link to their website How it works on a weekly basis I weigh in, take progress photos and measurements and after looking at them they tell me my calories and macros (protein/carbs/fat) for the next week. They also give me a meal plan to follow, it is expensive....but so far it is working super well for me! :) Exercise wise....I walk to work 4 days per week. That takes me 60 minutes each walk. I then train with my trainer for 45 minutes twice a week and do 2 sessions per week on my own (the gym is going 24/7 next week so following that ill be able to increase it to 3 times a week) So forgetting numbers etc how am I going? In a lot of ways ridiculously well....but life is never perfect. Sadly last week a friend of mine unexpectedly passed away. Its been shocking, Martine was only a few years older then me and it really doesn't seem real. But it really makes you reflect on what is important. I am 49 now .... I cannot battle this weight loss for the rest of my life. While we always will deal with it....I dont want to be "losing it" forever...I want to get to a point of a healthy weight....and then continually monitor it in a healthy manner. At the end of last year I decided that this year I was going to throw everything at my weight loss and if I didnt lose by the end of the year....I would resign myself to spending the rest of my life overweight. But thats not good enough...if I am not at a healthy weight by the end of the year...then I will start next year by reassessing where I am with my weightloss and aiming for new goals. It has also made me start to reflect on what is important, its not important how much money i make, or what material items i own, or who is right and who is wrong....but its about the people around us, the experiences, the memories. I plan to make a much more concerted effort with my friends. I think the older we get the more walls we can tend to put up...the more we fear being vulnerable - and that has certainly happened to me. But these are things I am planning to work on. As to my fitness....it is progressing nicely. My upper body is definitely getting stronger - I am progressing well on the LAT pull down. My cardio fitness has improved nicely of late and with all the walking I am doing my endurance is also definitely improving. My trainer messaged me yesterday saying we couldnt do PT tonight as she had concusion. She messages me this morning and says did u train yesterday or today? Im like....I walked a hour yesterday and about to head to the gym soon-ish so she replies back....do some cardio for me...heres a workout....so did a cardio workout. No idea on my calorie burn tho as I have lost my fitbit charger! Argh! But I have a new ordered and I ordered a new band for it....hopefully it will arrive wednesday. If you are instagram make sure you follow me! My username is @kazzsjourney Below is my latest progress pics :) Before and current (173.1 kilos vs 118.6 kilos)

Below is January 2017 vs March 2017